Back Pocket Flagging Guide!

4 04 2011

That’s right folks, we’ve put together a little printable back pocket flagging guide for you to take out on the town. No longer will you have to hijack someone’s smart phone in order to figure who’s flagging what. Enjoy!

  1. click the link below
  2. find a colour printer
  3. press print
  4. trim the edges
  5. fold it up
  6. hit the town

Back Pocket Flagging Guide

Thanks  to Melbourne Leather Pride and the {also} Foundation‘s take care {out} there project for their assistance and support with printing. Pick up a hard copy at Melbourne Leatherpride events and from this weekend!





Effective Barrier Use

12 02 2011

Gloves/Dams/Condoms

The effective use of barriers in the following activities greatly reduces possible transmission by preventing the transfer of infected fluids or by covering an infected site.

Possible risks even with barrier useHPV, BV, TV, thrush, herpes, hep B, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis

WHITE jerk me off I’ll do us both
BLUE, Robin’s Egg 69 69
BLUE, Light gives oral wants oral
——— BLUE, Light
w/ light PINK stripe
sucks dildo suck my dildo
——— BLUE, Light w/ MAROON stripe gives head to menstruator wants head, is bleeding
BLUE, Navy fucking / TOP fucking / BOTTOM
RED, Dark 2-handed fister 2-handed fistee
RED fist fucker fist fuckee
PINK, Light dildo wielder dildo fuckee
BEIGE rimmer rim me
  • Make sure you have the right size (a tight fit) for gloves and condoms. Different brands have different sizes.
  • You can make dams from unlubricated condoms by cutting them up one side. Extra thin condoms tend to provide more stimulation than dams. You can make a tongue condom from a glove: cut the wrist and fingers off (leaving the thumb in tact), then cut up the side where the pinkie was. This tends to afford the highest sensitivity to both giver and receiver.
  • Ensure barriers are within their use-by date (they degrade over time and are thus more likely to break).
  • Make sure it is not torn when removed from packaging.
  • Coloured gloves are awesome because you can have a different colour for each hand.
  • Double glove for the convenience of moving from back to front play (just whip off the outer glove).
  • With condoms: if relevant, pull back the foreskin. Squeeze the air out of the tip (you can also place a small amount of lube on the inside tip of the condom to reduce air bubbles and increase sensitivity) and roll the condom all the way down.
  • For oral sex/rimming, lube can be put beneath the barrier for extra stimulation – but be aware that this makes it more likely to slip off.  With dams, mark each side with a different coloured marker to more easily keep track of the down and up sides.
  • Hold the barrier in place during use.
  • Check that the condom remains in tact throughout use. The more lube you use and the more frequently (while fucking), the less likely breakage is. When pulling out, hold the base of the condom to ensure it doesn’t slip off.
  • Use barriers only once. Use a different barrier for each person or orifice. Throw them in the bin after use.
  • Use water or silicone-based lube with latex condoms. Non-latex condoms tend to be made of silicone. Don’t use silicone condoms or lube on silicone dildos/toys. Oil based lubes (like hand cream or Vaseline) weaken latex condoms, causing them to break more easily.

Also:

  • Fisting and hand washing are more risky than fingering as the likelihood of tearing the lining of the vagina/anus is higher.
  • On cleaning sex toys.
  • Any activities involving blood carry a higher risk for Hepatitis C, HIV and other blood born viruses.
  • Condom guide

Our complete safer sex guide is here.





On rejection

7 02 2011

[gauche]

Swiftly and graciously accepting rejection is a cornerstone of radical consent. It hurts, but if you really believe in sexual autonomy, you just have to suck it up — without pleading or wheedling or demanding answers. You need a reason to be with someone, not to reject them.

Of course, rejection can be based on prejudice. It can be cissexist or racist or fatphobic or biphobic or ageist or ableist or anti-virgin or whatever else. And if someone voices those sentiments, you’re right to call them up on it. But nobody owes you an explanation on why they don’t want to fuck you or date you. I’ve been hearing people assume prejudice in situations where no reason was given, and I tend to think it’s likely no reason was given because no one wants to say “I’m just not that into you”.

In an existing relationship, pressing for a reason can be used to get someone to stay with you under the promise that you will change. But though it’s widely acknowledged that rape and sexual assault occur within established relationships, conversations about consent can tend to focus on the beginnings of things. Even when consent education explicitly resists the idea of perpetual consent, or conclusive negotiations (eg in this questionnaire), people can assume that certain ideas or questions aren’t applicable to their situation. The communication style and power dynamic of an established relationship can complicate negotiations, as much as it can facilitate them.

But coercion can come from a place of disempowerment — eg using your body image or mental health issues to manipulate someone into having sex with you — as much as it can come from the abuse of power. When you feel utterly powerless, it can be hard to imagine that you’re exercising coercion, but that’s exactly what’s happening when you try to beg and trade in the face of rejection.

One of our Basic Rules of Flagging is that we need to be open to suggestion and open to rejection. Consent depends on both — if you are too polite to proposition, too precious to be propositioned, too evasive to reject and too insecure to be rejected, how are you negotiating consent?

 





On Safer Sex

6 02 2011

Inspired by the also foundation’s take care {out} there safer sex education program, and the piles of free condoms we have hoarded by our beds from it, opinicus rampant is collating our own risk-reduction safer sex guide.

Over the next few weeks we’ll be updating each section as listed below. If you have any great links or ideas, let us know by submitting a comment to this page.

Safe sex guides generally suck, and just say things like ‘always use barriers’. The fact is, the risks are different with different sex acts and different STIs. We don’t know anyone who practises barrier sex all the time (even those with a latex fetish).

Safer sex guides tend to be written with the broadest possible definition of ‘unsafe’. We’re trying to do the opposite, by thinking about how things are safe or could be safer, and detailing the actual risks involved in each sex act so that consenting adults can decide for themselves which risks to take.

Get tested regularly so you know the status of your sexual health (at least once per year if you’ve had sex, at least once every 6 months if you’ve had sex with multiple people). Most STIs are treatable, and if you get one which isn’t – knowing about it and how it affects your body and the possibility of passing it on is the only responsible way to have sex. If you do test positive to an STI it is important to tell your recent sex partners, which you can do anonymously via e-card or sms from here.

Most contact with other people doesn’t lead to infection. In order for an infection to be transmitted from one person to another all of the following must occur:

  • the organism (virus, bacteria, fungi or parasite) must be in or on a person’s body and still be able to be transmitted;
  • the organism must leave the body of the person who has the virus;
  • the organism must be able to survive in the environment;
  • the organism must find its way onto or into another person; and
  • the organism must be in sufficient quantity to infect that person.

There are 4 types of STIs:

  • Viral: HPV; herpes; hepatitis A, B and C; HIV;
  • Bacterial: syphilis; gonorrhoea; chlamydia
  • Fungal: thrush; BV;
  • Parasitic: public lice (crabs); scabies

Hepatitis B is the most highly infectious (easily transmitted) and most durable of STDs. Most STDs are fragile and do not live long outside the body, Hep B is the exception. There are vaccines for Hep B, Hep A and some (but not all) strains of HPV. The 4 strains of HPV that the vaccine Gardasil prevents account for 90% of genital warts cases and 70% of cervical cancer cases.

With Hepatitis C there is a low risk of infection in sexual activity that does not involve blood. This is because the virus needs to be in sufficient quantities and enter the blood stream in order to be infected. While the virus is still carried in body fluids other than blood, they are in lower quantities.

Cuts on the body (especially hands and including mouth) greatly increase the risk of infection-transmission. You are not always aware of cuts on your body, especially under and around fingernails or inside the mouth and back of the throat. Cuts inside the vagina or anus (of which you will be unaware) makes transmission easier, however the mucous membranes of these areas allow transmission into the bloodstream (without cuts).

Crabs  (public lice) are the most infectious STI, if you share a bed or are naked with someone who has them, you’re pretty much guaranteed to get them.

While we hope to eventually have collated a complete safer sex guide for all genders and sexualities, our priority is to detail that which is most relevant to women and transguys who have sex with women/transguys.

Almost all safer sex guides are cock-centred, if you can’t find one on your own – here you go: the drama downunder.

For transguys who have sex with guys, there is one online guide available Back Pocket Guide for Transmen and the Men Who Dig Them and 2 works in progress: tm4m and DUDE!

Our complete safer sex guide is here. Where appropriate, further advice should be sought from a medical practitioner.





Make out much?

2 02 2011

That’s it. Making out. Also known as kissing.





Want Milk?

11 01 2011

[lc]: I was talking with a friend about female ejaculation (blue/white gingham) flag, which has been: left, “into female ejaculation (yours)” and right, “make me female ejaculate”.  My friend pointed out that blue/white gingham reverses all the other flags about bodily fluids – like yellow, pale yellow or cream – where left is the giving of the fluid and the right is receiving.

[max]: The idea was that blue & white gingham was a replacement for the milking (holstein) flag, where left is “milker” (bringing someone to ejaculate) and right is “milkee” (ejaculator).

[gauche]: I think originally we decided against holstein for milking/female ejaculation flag because the implied body is male (*mimes pulling action*) — or the sex act you would infer from “milking” for female bodies is not necessarily jerking off to ejaculation. And we didn’t like that association of female bodies with cows, either.

But the left/right orientation should still be the same (as other fluid flags), where left is ejaculating and right is receiving ejaculate (noun) or making someone ejaculate (verb). Otherwise there’s this anti-feminist implication that female ejaculate is more passive than male ejaculate, or perhaps that it’s bottoming because it’s humiliating.

[n.]: I think “milking” doesn’t have to be associated with that gesture – the verb “to milk” means “drawing milk” – i.e. making someone ejaculate doesn’t need to have a gender bias.

[lc]: I think that female ejaculation would be closer to the cum fetish (cream) flag. I think if we are talking about a female body, it can be “milked” through female ejaculation, but ejaculation doesn’t necessarily equal “milking” someone.  You can milk without bringing someone to orgasm, or to a point where it’s not pleasurable, eg prostate milking. I think the cum flag is more about the fluid whereas the milking flag is about having a lot of that fluid, from the one person (with possible overtones of control or humiliation).

[max]: I think f.e. deserves its own flag because it’s really different from jizz, in so many ways – the most obvious being the false but popular idea that female ejaculation is elusive. I want the ability to flag f.e. specifically, for political as well as other reasons, without the ambiguity of “cum”. I think it makes sense for cream to be pan gender.

[felix]: There shouldn’t be a particular female ejaculation flag – you can just use cream with a triangle if you want to specify. But that reinforces male as default, unless you also use a symbol for cock.

[gauche]: No, we have the symbols so I can disambiguate among my own orifices — eg if I want to be fisted vaginally or anally. I don’t support using the symbols to seek particular genitals, or enabling that through another method — that goes against the queer spirit of this code and also I think its only practical use would be for trans panic. I don’t want to encourage that at all.

I think there’s a place for “milking” where it’s making someone ejaculate, where that’s your fetish and a specific bodily function you’re trying to provoke (“drawing milk” as n. said) – which is different from a cum fetish where the cum is part and parcel of someone’s orgasm.

[lc]: I don’t think cum is necessarily ‘part and parcel’ of orgasm. You can totally ejaculate without an orgasm and vice versa; often they happen simultaneously but not always. So I think that cream can totally be a female ejaculation flag and the gingham more focused on milking. Also I wish we had better terminology for female ejaculate, every other bodily function seems to have a (number of) colloquial term(s).

[max]: cum=orgasm is totally jizz-assuming.

[gauche]: The colloquial term would be squirting, and no, some vulvas always squirt when they orgasm so I don’t think it assumes jizz. I don’t see the need for a sex-specific flag but I guess being lady-like means my hankies are read as queer rather than gay – is that part of your concern, max?

[max]: No, it is jizz-assuming. In general – even queer-general – cum/ejaculation/orgasm are synonymous because of the way all things sex are default to male/male desire. Just because some vulvas squirt doesn’t take that away: some vulvas don’t, and some cocks don’t, either. That’s the reason that cum/come homonym exists. And we need to (and do) work against that: cream= cum (fluid, pan gender).

I wouldn’t say it’s about being “sex specific” in the sense of “femaleness”, more in regard to the biological fluids as different and specificity is hot. I totally want to see more transguys reclaiming their boyjizz. Clarification/consent is hot too, but I think a specific f.e. flag could be politically salient.

[lc]: I think we should change the cream flag to cum/squirt fetish, I’m currently not into having a specific female ejaculation flag. I think that firstly it places an emphasis on biological sex, all our other flags have endeavored to be non-specific about the junk you are looking for. As gauche said above, the symbols are for your own orifices, not for the ones that you are looking for.

[gauche]: I can understand having a separate flag for milking, where (as with the traditional code) left is milker and right is milkee. And I can understand that blue gingham is an improvement on holstein.

[max]: Yes. And it makes sense for the left/right positions to be reversed for blue gingham as opposed to cream, because the focus is different.

So now we have two pan gender cum-related flags:

CREAM cum fetish (mine) cum fetish (yours)
BLUE/WHITE GINGHAM milker milk me




On My Face

19 12 2010

[max]: We need a flag for on my face/ in my mouth.

[sparklefish]: I don’t think a flag would work exactly, because you need to specify what act or substance you want on your face, I think a symbol would work better. I really hate the way in the gay hanky code, dots symbolise various races. A circle is much better used to mean a face, though would the colour of the circle/dots affect the flag?

[max]: Well it would be the same as with the star or the triangle, where the black is generic and then if it is any other colour, it refers to that particular flag.








%d bloggers like this: